Recession Alaa re !!!!

It’s well evident now that Recession is once again knocking our doors. It is giving jitters to employees but employers seem to be more excited about it.
And why won’t they? After all, this gives them wonderful opportunity to do cost cutting and improve their profit margins with no objection whatsoever from otherwise nagging and demanding employees.

Do you remember recession 2 years back when the tissues in bathroom disappeared and ACs went off along with other measures?
It’s not hidden that to keep their profit margins and growth percentages intact companies can stoop to any low in the name of austerity drive.

I have collated below some hilarious measures which companies may take to overcome this so called global uncertainty and make the most of it.

  • Remove toilet paper: Companies may remove toilet paper and instead place “LOTA” in the wake of GO-Green initiative  and also create awareness about the rich cultural( LOTA) heritage of India.

 

  •  Sulabh Sochalay: Companies may place swipe system on entrance of toilets to enter them. Each swipe will deduct Rs2/- automatically from their salaries for availing this facility. Cost cutting as well as a profit venture for them.

  •  Tea stalls in cafeteria/gate: Companies can remove the culture of free tea/coffee at vending machines and instead open tea stalls at gate where they can charge them for each drink.
    IPL style auctioning can be done to setup these stalls and also to sell cigarettes. Tea and sutta is deadly combination which is the lifeline of every employee. Companies can earn from auctioning and also from the commission earned on products sold.

 

  •  Smoking zone: Separate smoking zone can be created  where smokers will be charged each time they enter.

  •  Printer usage: For every printout taken employee can be charged for it and same can be  deducted from his salary.

 

  •  Hand Fans : ACs can be shut down  and instead a handfan would be given to each employee. This would help a person to maintain health as he will burn calories to do so. Also it will help in increasing productivity as he will have no time to talk on phone – one hand used for work other for waving fan thus keeping him busy.

 

  •  Office furniture can be rearranged to use it effectively as in the  pic below.

  •  Water would not be provided in office after 4:30 so that people would not use toilet further & leave office on time and don’t stay back to play tennis etc thus saving electricity.

 

  •  Use of elevators can be stopped and instead employees would be encouraged to take stairs for health reasons thus saving on electricity and maintenance bills.

 

  • Office furniture will be remodelled for maximum utilization.

  •  Computers would be placed in toilet so that an employee can work even when he is in loo and work doesn’t get affected.

  •  Employees would be encouraged to save and bring tissues from local restaurants to keep in office for client visits.
  • Instead of using furniture, carton boxes of computers and other stuff can be used to prepare cubicles for senior managers.

 

  •  When travelling on business trips employees would be asked to stay at their relative’s place and eat their homes instead of company paid  fooding and lodging. If there are no relatives, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites.
  • Companies may do away with free parking for its employees, and would rather start charging them for the same.
  • Companies may freeze the facility of calling free from office phone and instead place pay phones in cubicles and office premises.This will not only help in cutting costs but will also generate revenue.

  • Annual bonuses and sweets being given in the name of festivals like holi,diwali would be waived off and instead this money would be put in company sponsored charity fund to evade taxes.

 PS:These were some hilarious cost cutting measure which came in my mind.Would like to hear more from you…

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14 Responses to Recession Alaa re !!!!

  1. anirudh.arya says:

    LoL…use ur own home laptop/computer, no dress code, spent 10 hours or cut in salary, proxy billing of fictitious employees.

  2. gayatri soni says:

    wow! hahahaha……made a good fun of recession 😉 If, even a single, employer would follow you, i’m going telling the employees of that company your address, they would surely kill who us advising their employers prohibiting them using the toilets(that natural phenomena);)
    Really!our companies reacted in a much hyper way in response to which crisis did effect us.

    • ravindra rajput says:

      Hoping no comapny follows these steps ..Moreover praying recession doesnot strike again..One was enough to push back our careers

  3. Brilliant! I’m having just one concern. If workstations / computers are placed in the toilet, the Sochalay Swipe System might run at a loss. Hence, from business and profit point of views, a company shouldn’t use both the systems together. LOL! 😉

    • ravindra rajput says:

      In that case company may put time limit of 10 minutes per person.If a person exceeds 10 min extra amount will be deducted.In this way it will be a win win sittuation 🙂

  4. Prankur says:

    Hey ..
    some of your thoughts are very good.. bt many are not even possible..viz. modular furniture, computers in loo, no water after 4.30, and many more..
    Dont forget there are always emergencies in companies,…. 😀 😀

    • ravindra rajput says:

      Dude these measures may not be possibel as of now but who knows the future and what condition the companies may come in if recession strikes 😛
      Anyways these all are for fun nothing serious abt it

  5. Rajesh Balachandran says:

    I too having the same concern like sushovan… if workstations/computers are placed in the toilet, then so called having swipe system is no longer to use.. as well as entire work life is in the toilet only. so concept of having house keeping facility is totally eliminated.

  6. mayuri says:

    super….. company will stop providing cabs… and starts giving BMTC bus pass(NON AC buses) only for number of working days..and for correct timings of shift..:)))))))))))))

  7. Santosh Kumar Sharma says:

    During Recession time there are guys who are not only well within the company but also get all the required facilities. Think and realize if we are upto that mark and we can avoid the fear of recession. What will be the steps you guys will take during recession if you own one company?

  8. Shweta Gigras says:

    There is lot more that can be done …..

    Charge the employees for coffee/tea from vending machines.
    Charge them for half day leaves and also deduct from salary
    Charge them luggage space when employees bring their carry bags to office on fridays (for weekend tours direct office se)

  9. Vandana says:

    Truly hilarious and some of them are already implemented.

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