In life we have to make several choices; some are by will but others by circumstances. In the process of pleasing and making others happy we forget & neglect our dreams and aspirations. Our wishes take a back seat. As we grow and take more responsibilities, in the process of fulfilling basic needs of our near and dear ones we forget that we too have lives, we too need to give time for ourselves. I had always wanted to do so many things in life, but sometimes it was my procrastination or waiting for the right moment to arrive or simply ignorance, since I was busy fulfilling someone else’s dream.
If given a second chance I would like to do many things but I would mention the most important ones in from my bucket list.
Meet my old friends: Over the years I have made many friends, who have been very close to my heart. Time just flew when I was with them. I have realized I was truly myself when I was in their company. But as I grew and got busy in the rat race of life, I neglected those friends. Due to my foolishness and immaturity I hurt few of them who were very close to me. There is a big vacuum in my heart and I always miss them, my life seems incomplete without them.
If given a second chance I would go back and ask pardon from them, would try to mend the things, try to clear the misunderstandings, would spend some more time with them instead of watching some stupid cricket match. For I truly lived in the moments when I was with my friends. I miss them all.
Write a novel: I have great passion for writing and reading. Though I have been writing since childhood, I started writing blogs since 2010 and it has been 5 long years. I had not given much to time writing, though this is the only way I connect with my inner self. There are so many thoughts floating in my mind, I have so much to say, to convey my feelings but I am a poor speaker and conveyer of feelings. Writing is the only way I can convey my expressions. I always wanted to write a novel but did not give time due to one reason or another.
If given a second chance I would go 10 years back in time and write a novel based out of my feelings and experiences. Over the years they seem to have died down and lost in mad rush. May be I have become grown up or what the world terms as “matured adult”
Meet my grandparents & aunt one last time: Travelling overseas gives immense happiness to many but not to me. I always regret my decision of staying in USA for my onsite assignments. I was not getting positive vibes when I flew for 2nd time to USA. One part of mine was saying not to go, but due to professional commitments I had to fly for 1 year. During that time my grandfather and then grandmother fell sick. I was not told about their actual health condition and one day they just passed away with their last wish of seeing me one last time. When I came to know about their demise I couldn’t forgive myself. The guilt feeling still haunts me. When I flew for 3rd time, my aunt expired. She was very close to me. My parents and relatives did not tell me anything about her demise. Whenever I called to speak to her there was some excuse that she is not available currently. Only when I came back to India was I told that she had passed away long back. I couldn’t even see her face. I wept inconsolably like a little baby. This episode still haunts me and makes me cry.Though I face lot of challenges but I am afraid to go onsite. It has been two years now when I have been refusing to travel abroad.
If life gives me a second chance, I would cancel my second and third travel to onsite and would spend my time with my grandparents and aunt. I would have got peace of mind.