Last evening I had a conversation with my cousin.As we talked casually the topic of discussion reached IT industry.
Here we had varied opinions.Myself being a software engineer had my own views whereas herself,being an HR in the same industry had other.
The clash of opinions resulted in a heated debate which continued for a very long time.But one thing which we both found common was the dual personalities we were living in.
Let me elaborate further to share the piece of my mind.
Though it has been almost 4 years for me in this industry but there have been many bitter lessons which I learnt and gradually as time passed there has been a drastic change in my nature and personality owing to them.
I had always believed in thinking from mind and acting from heart and was very happy & satisfied following this principle in life.But once I entered in corporate world,I got the culture shock which I had only heard but realized with passage of time.The rat race here to overrun others to rise high in the corporate ladder and prove yourself the best came as a shock to me, who always believed in “Honesty is the best polcy “,”Hard work always pays”, “Neki kar dariya mein daal” etc.
The actual meaning of “being professional” was not clear to me or rather misunderstood.
The biggest mistake I did was I mixed my professional and personal lives.No wonder,due to this imbalance both my professional and personal life suffered.
I realized that colleagues can be friends at max,but can rarely replace your true freinds and family.Similarly your family and friends can only sympathize with your office tensions but in the long run it will spoil the relationship and peace of mind.
I took lot of decisions from heart in my professional life and was eventually backstabbed and ditched.In the end I was left awestruck and numb.
As time progressed, even I didnot realize when I started living a dual life; a split personality to be precise.
I have made up a thumbrule not to discuss anything related to work beyond my office premises,I vomit out all the work related frustrations I
have in office itself( I don’t mind even abusing my company or boss since it gives immense peace of mind at last..lol)
I try to be as formal and calm as possible at work; though I crack jokes as and when required but try to keep a “professional ambience ” around me.I hate office politics but I realized that one should not run away from it rather refrain from doing it to others but at least one should know the art of selfdefence or else the sharks will eat away the small fishes like me( it happened often in the past).I discuss no personal stuff ,talking my future plans etc.which may affect my career in any way.
At the same time I never discuss anything about my work with friends and family,I even prevent my friends from doing so who start this conversation at our get togethers.
I become my childish best,the moment I leave office or with friends;joking ,laughing,playing pranks all along.This is real me.
There are plenty of other stuffs to discuss,talk ,laugh and enjoy about.I always answer “NO PROBLEMS” whenever my parents ask me how my office life is going on(it’s a worthy Lie 🙂 ),even though my manager or client may be sitting on top of my head and making my life hell- after all it’s my life and I should fight out the odds.
Why should I trouble my parents ? .
Ever since I have tried to balance my dual life,I have experienced some peace of mind.I am able to give attention to the things which are required at particular moment of time.It’s just like living in “now”
And whenever there is even a slight disbalance I am screwed up.
So coming to the discussion with my cousin,”This is how I have been living my life, but some how I get the feeling of guilt since I don’t feel the real me”I said.
“Ravindra, ditto with me.Even I do the same.This is the only way I can save my job and marriage…..”said my cousin.
The doorbell rang and her husband arrived from office,and so ended our conversation.
But it has kept me puzzled ever since.I am into introspection mode now just wondering whether it is right or wrong ? How much have I changed,is it really me I used to be ?
One thing is clear that I am not the only one who is living a dual personality , but is it really worth ?
Still searching for answers.Would like to hear from you,may be it can help me clear some confusion.
Well introspected, i can say.
Everyone of us live in this dual character mode or sometimes multiple character modes… You be with colleagues, you think and act professionally; you with friends, you act differently and you be with kids, you act differently. This is necessary, as we cannot be same for all given circumstances, but keeping pace with your life without real you, is not going to bring any sense of happiness. To enjoy, try diluting as many characters of yours, which is less u, less worries, more happiness.
Have not seen corporate life as yet but there is no escaping it (living the dual life) or leave the job and start a venture of your own. That might help.
In office, I feel, you are not a different person, but just one side of your personality shows – the professional side.
I feel it’s a good idea to discuss office at home with somebody who would understand – it’s good to get an outsider’s perspective, but only if they know enough – like if you discuss everyday details slowly this person will know everybody in the office. It’s nice to be able to do that.
This way one has somewhere to rant with somebody who would understand every little nuance.
And in office I feel gossip listening is fine, joining in can be tricky, one can be quoted (misquoted, more likely)…
The captcha makes commenting difficult! I almost have up because it demanded I enable cookies…
Is word verification necessary? It discourages commenting 🙁
All around there are dual personalities including us.We play different roles,we behave differently to different people.Good work, keep it up.
@Anupam San
I fully agree with you , we are different individuals while dealing with different people.And that is the my query which i feel sometimes confuses me and puts me in dilemma whether its right or wrong.
As u said diluting as many characters as possible can be the only solution of this to enjoy the real me.
@Dhiraj
Its very difficult dude to escape from dual life.And leaving job to start new venture is easier said than done .Though I too want to do it some day but when ? is the question for which i don’t find answers from myself.
@Indianhomemaker
Sharing office details at home with family parents is OK till a certain level, but once office talks start dominating every inch of communication at home then it negatively affects the environment at home and this is my primary concern.
I wish to keep my office and personal lives insulated from each other.
I apologize for the inconvenience caused due to captcha,but this is required to prevent from unnecessary spammers
@Dr. Partibha
Thank you maam for dropping in and sharing ur views regarding my post.
very true, Ravindra. This article matches with my life also. I feel that in today’s scenario, everyone is having the dual personality whether its personal or professional. So dear,don’t get confused or worried about it.Its better to have dual personality and be calm n peaceful rather being screwed up.
I have had my share of experiences earlier when I was working 2 years ago. I was this single self both inside and outside office and struggled a lot. It resulted into some personal problems as well. But I was this strong self-minded person not wanting to change into dual personality mode then. May be, next time when I enter the professional world again I will follow your suggestions.
~Vee…
True…Very true……I too hav friends in office but office frnds and outside frnds can never be (and should nevr be) compared..College frnds would sail you through this life ..m not sure about offic frnds though…
Vaise i have seen many of my frnds having great offic frnds so it might be very well a personal mattre but…
ANd haa..Glad tyhat u r styill churning out posts with th same fervour…Thumb up dear
@Lo”v”er boy
first of all a very BIG THANKS for visiting TG Town and leaving a comment here…it seems to be ages since I had seen the real action in TG town…. its really heartening at least to see you here..thanks a lot bro..
and yes ur rite …our college and school friends are always there with us in every thick and thin of time..and only this makes us really sail through all the adversaries of life …
though i haven’t experienced corporate atmosphere yet but have heard this 4rm many victims of getting this dual nature thanx to the environment.
Mano ya na mano…………laagta hai merai baat aap bol diye
@sudam
Thanks sudam.. happy to hear that our thinking are so connected to each other..
I agree. Nice blog by the way…